Alright. Mush, you lazy bums!Alright. Mush, you lazy bums!
Vael Victus 
"See you, fantasy monster game."
Posts: 2200
Jun 03rd - 11:37 | Sledge has suggested we have injury report text for each job. Just one of each will be fine.
This topic is for you to create some.
I'll begin.
While carrying wood, $monster slips and hurts its leg!
Okay, now, just make them funny.
ok go plz
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MonBre is an unlisted game of Tinydark Studio.
Personal Website: vaelvict.us |
Lexca Darvin
"Fortunately, I like violence."
Posts: 118
06/04/2009 01:09 | While pushing boulders, $monster slips and is partially crushed by the boulder. Don't worry! The arm was reattached and it should be good as new in a few hours. Ah, the wonders of modern science!
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Lexca Darvin
"Fortunately, I like violence."
Posts: 118
06/04/2009 01:13 | When Waterfall Cleaning, $monster got hungry and ate a rotten fish by mistake. Your monster was rushed to the hospital where it's stomach was pumped. $monster is really tired, but the good news is we found more than enough to cover the hospital bill inside your monsters stomach as well. Don't thank us. Come again!
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Lexca Darvin
"Fortunately, I like violence."
Posts: 118
06/04/2009 02:39 | $monster was scavenging in the canopies of the trees when something shiny caught its eye. Unfortunately, that was literal. $monster was so surprised when the bird took its eye that it then promptly fell from the tree and landed on several very sharp branches. It then rolled down the embankment where the tree was growing and hit a group of schoolchildren who then sicked their baby monsters on it. Their parents are suing you by the way. We managed to save his eye, though! Yeah us!
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$monster rolled snake eyes for the 13th time in a row. Unfortunately, it ran out of the funds you lent it 11 tosses ago. The loan shark it was dealing with was not amused. $monster came back sans clothes, claws, and that feeling of general well being it had started out with. On the bright side, it did pick the pockets of the thugs that were trampling it so you did get paid!
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While working on its new Carpentry job, $monster was insulted by the soon-to-be homeowner. Something about you and the karmic repercussions of treating farm animals the way you apparently do. $monster just smiled, but the rival trainer/future homeowner later found the shower connected with the home's sewage system. $monster was ambushed on the way home from work. We think we can salvage the full use of its fingers so it can be back on the job tomorrow! Isn't that nice?
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$monster was really excited about the new Construction project. They were going to build this great new processing plant over in the mountains around Propton. Unfortunately, one of the fellow workers went nuts in town that very morning. Screaming things like, "Mother! I'll avenge you mother!" The Construction boss thinks he may have been into some of the lead paints. Anyway, $monster wasn't going to get involved but it slipped and kinda fell on the sick monster. $monster didn't get paid. Luckily, the monster's trainer was so grateful that his monster was stopped without him or his monster actually getting hurt that he decided to pay the day's wages anyway. Wasn't that nice of him?
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$monster was bored. Washing Windows is a nice cushy job in its own way, but $monster longed for the days of exploration and fun that it had heard other monsters were enjoying that very moment. The next moment, $monster found itself standing outside the gates of the city. It had been so lost in thought that it went right out the gates. $monster turned back, but not before the wild monsters saw it. Surrounded by about thirty of the monsters, eager for revenge against one of the foul human servants that so often tormented the, $monster had little hope of survival. Out of nowhere, a rival trainer and its monster attack the small mob of monsters and rescue $monster. Attracted to this wonderful new monster, $monster tries to get its number. But the monster takes one look at $monster and declines. Heartbroken, your monster returns to its job. It finishes the days work, but is in no fit shape to do anything else for awhile. Sulky little thing isn't it?
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$monster thought being a Mailmon was easy. The agility it already possessed was more than a match for rigors of this job! What could possibly go wrong? Aside from taking a package to a trainer that was apparently working for a less than legal organization and accidentally-on-purpose peeking at the contents before delivery? Then maybe trying to turn them in by reporting their illicit activities to the authorities only to find out that they were in the employ of said less than legal organization? Yep, nothing could possibly go wrong! How was it's day? $monster got back a little while ago and it didn't get to keep any bonuses this time. It needed it for bail and the hospital bills incurred from the bad things its cellmates did to it while it was waiting for the bail to go through. Other than that, it was a lovely day. How was your day?
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$monster is an amazingly lucky dealer! All the players want to have $monster deal their cards. Unfortunately, that doesn't make $monster all that popular with the casino owner. He had $monster 's fingers broken when it refused to leave early. Apparently, dealers shouldn't argue with the employers in that part of town. The silver lining? Well $monster did get paid for the full day's work and the casino thugs only broke nine out of ten of it's fingers. So...lucky right?
Edited twice, with the latest on June 04th, 2009 11:24:11 by Lexca Darvin |
Lexca Darvin
"Fortunately, I like violence."
Posts: 118
06/04/2009 02:39 | --------------------------------------------------------
$monster was hauling marble from the quarry. $monster got thirsty, though, and went to get something to drink...leaving the chunk of marble behind. When it got back, it found the marble was missing! In $monster's defense, it did weigh quite a lot and really...who expects someone to go and steal a huge hunk of marble from the middle of the street in broad daylight? $monster searches the streets for hours before going why it's still here. "Today was a half day and the marble you were supposed to deliver got here at 11 AM! You should have been home seven hours ago" Apparently, one of your monster's coworkers saw the marble and delivered it for your monster. $monster is so tired from that day's work that it can't do anything for awhile. Isn't charity grand?
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$monster was so fascinated by the factory's big sewing machines. There were so many interesting fabrics, colors, and patterns being used! Today, $monster got a little too close to one of the machines. Don't worry! We managed to remove the monster's hand from the cloak and $monster wasn't badly hurt. Unfortunately, the machines had to be shut down for awhile and the factory lost a lot of money while that was happening. Insurance will pay you for the lost wages, but the factory boss doesn't want to see $monster around for awhile. He's also spread the word around to the other bosses in the area. You'll have to wait for things to cool down before you can let $monster out of the house again.
-------------------------------------------
Well, your monster is in pretty bad shape. There are lacerations all over its body and someone thought it'd be funny to stick great big wooden poles into it's you-know-what-or-if-you-don't-I'm-not-going-to-be-the-one-to-tell-you. What happened? Well, $monster was out at sea. Practically hatched for the job, $monster thrived in the salty environment. It was also great for its tan! Yes, it's necessary! I have to set the mood, now don't I? Oh, shut up and listen. Suddenly, $monster happens to turn around and sees a horrible sea monster coming out of the waters! Without hesitation, your valiant monster leaps to defend the ship from the foul denizen of the deeps. No, that's not who hurt him! Let me finish, will you? Fully prepared to give its life, that it's crew mates might live, $monster thrashes the sea monster, pounds it, and gives it a good right hook that sends it a foot into the air before tumbling back into the water (no small task considering how heavy the brute was). $monster proudly turns, expecting the unabashed thanks of the crew. The crew was not thankful. Apparently, that was Bob the cherished mascot of the ship. So that's what happened. $monster just went into surgery and the largest poles have already been removed. The doctors are hopeful that all the splinters that got stuck in that particular orifice will all come out pretty easily. Not as bad as what happened to poor Bob! The doctor's say they might not be able to save one of his precious scales! Damn $monster...*sniffs* We all love that sea monster.
--------------------------------
The Civil Protection Unit has been around for ages...Well, okay...it's been around about three months. But the idea has been around for ages! Anyway, $monster had just earned its third drink in a complicated game of strip poker which somehow involved copious amounts of vodka when the call came in. $monster had completely forgot it was on duty that night! Well not one to shirk its duty, even when it probably ought to do so just this once, $monster climbed into the vehicle and sped off to the site of the call. Somehow without hitting anyone or anything, $monster arrived. A bunch of Biker monsters had broken into the We're-A-Legit-Grower-Honest-Do-You-Need-To-See-Our-License-? Greenhouse and store. $monster fearlessly beat back the monsters and saved the valuable plants/merchandise. Unfortunately, $monster didn't succeed nearly so well with the monsters' trainers. Also, that wasn't the call it was assigned. It was supposed to pick up a shoplifting senior citizen. Don't look so down! We're 30% sure $monster will walk again! Those were legs, right?
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Oh, yeah. You're here for $monster, right? Well, $monster was new at that route and didn't know about the reputation that family has. Poor thing just walked right up to the house and gave a perfect spiel about the wonders of this new brand of cutlery. Poor $monster never stood a chance. What? You don't know either? No they don't have anything at all against Salesmon. They invite 'um over all the time. They think they're great for target practice.
Edited twice, with the latest on June 04th, 2009 11:31:56 by Lexca Darvin |
Demi Lune
"The what now?"
Posts: 909
06/04/2009 06:17 | I think my work is done here. Good show, Lexca!
Also, here, not hear in the very last one.
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But when that call never comes, it's time to face what you've become - there's no point doing all of this, unless you know you're having fun. |
Vanilla Name
"h"
Posts: 1275
06/04/2009 10:54 | Tl;Dr'd me half way!
Well i'll still make one version even if you made one for it too!
:<
$monster had an odd fishing day today,
one particular sailor, not a bright one, thought that your monster looked particularly feminine, needless to say your monster was covered in seamen and it tired your monster out very much, unfortunately it was not only tiring but that some sailors were particularly rough!
(If the monster also gets a bonus when it gets injured)
Well $monster was very well recieved or recieved very well, it's one of the two, the sailors are very releaved now and the not so bright sailor thought $monster was a whore! Here's your whore money 
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h |
Vael Victus
"See you, fantasy monster game."
Posts: 2200
06/04/2009 11:21 | Lexca! That was wonderful! Someone's getting a space in the garden of memorium!
But lol I just realized, you can't get injured on the easy jobs. Your efforts (as well as mine when I coded it) were noble. Thank you! I had to change some things. Lots of finger breakings and polls into orifices. Also beer and all that. But they're cool now.
CJ, noble too.
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MonBre is an unlisted game of Tinydark Studio.
Personal Website: vaelvict.us
Edited once on June 04th, 2009 11:30:54 by Vael Victus |
Lexca Darvin
"Fortunately, I like violence."
Posts: 118
06/04/2009 11:37 |
You're quite welcome.
Vael Victus said:
Lexca! That was wonderful! Someone's getting a space in the garden of memorium!
But lol I just realized, you can't get injured on the easy jobs. Your efforts (as well as mine when I coded it) were noble. Thank you! I had to change some things. Lots of finger breakings and polls into orifices. Also beer and all that. But they're cool now.
CJ, noble too. |
Yeah, I felt a bit mean when I was writing those, but I hadn't had any sleep for awhile so it wasn't too hard to ignore the conscience and focus on hurting the poor little darlings. Still, I wouldn't mind seeing what you eventually picked out. Hopefully, without having to actually let one of my monsters get hurt.
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Sledge Wielder
"Go Reapers!"
Posts: 374
06/04/2009 18:03 | Window cleaning: Your monster likes to lean on windows while he cleans them. Unfortunately, this window was open. Don't worry, it was only the 4th floor, and I'm sure his bones will mend by tomorrow.
Mailmon: Your monster ran afoul of Snerfy, the fat lady on the corner's mastiff. Dont worry, the seamstress next door sewed him up nice and he'll be back in business soon.
Carpenty: Your monster was doing fine work until Timmy, the foreman's *ahem* special nephew got hold of the nail gun. It's ok, the wall they were putting up was going to be painted red anyways. Oh, and your monster's vital organs were missed, so it's a win win situation!
Blackjack dealing: Murv the Magnificent, a famous pro wrestler, had been losing money all night, when he hit your monster with a huge hand, wrapped neatly into a fist.
I felt the urge to throw a few in as well I tried to keep em short.
----
If everything's right, what's left? |
Vael Victus
"See you, fantasy monster game."
Posts: 2200
06/04/2009 22:05 | Okay but don't say I didn't warn you. I'm pasting the pure code because I have way better things to do !! >:F
if ($training == 'woodcarrying')
$injurydesc = "$monname</b> was talking with the other monsters, who dared it to carry more wood than it could handle. It ended up slipping and knocking the wood everywhere, even crushing its body a bit. It'll be okay... for now. ($injuryhours of injury)";
if ($training == 'bouldermoving')
$injurydesc = "While pushing boulders, $monname</b> slips and is partially crushed by the boulder. Don't worry! The arm was reattached and it should be good as new in a few hours. Ah, the wonders of modern science! ($injuryhours of injury)";
if ($training == 'waterfallcleaning')
$injurydesc = "While Waterfall Cleaning, $monname</b> got hungry and ate a rotten fish by mistake. Your monster was rushed to the hospital where its stomach was pumped. $monname</b> is really tired, but the good news is we found more than enough to cover the hospital bill inside your monsters stomach as well. Come again! ($injuryhours of injury)";
if ($training == 'canopyscavenging')
$injurydesc = "$monname</b> was scavenging in the canopies of the trees when something shiny caught its eye. Unfortunately, that was literal. ($injuryhours of injury)";
if ($training == 'dicerolling')
$injurydesc = "$monname</b> rolled snake eyes for the 13th time in a row. Unfortunately, it ran out of the fund you lent it 11 tosses ago. The loan shark it was dealing with was not amused. $monname</b> came back sans clothes, claws, and that feeling of general well being it had started out with. On the bright side, it did pick the pockets of the thugs that were trampling it so you did get paid! ($injuryhours of injury)";
if ($training == 'carpentry')
$injurydesc = "While working on its new Carpentry job, $monname</b> was insulted by the soon-to-be homeowner. Something about you and the karmic repercussions of treating farm animals the way you apparently do. $monname</b> just smiled, but the rival trainer/future homeowner later found the shower connected with the home's sewage system. $monname</b> was ambushed on the way home from work. We think we can salvage the full use of its fingers so it can be back on the job tomorrow! Isn't that nice? ($injuryhours of injury)";
if ($training == 'mailmon')
$injurydesc = "$monname</b> thought being a Mailmon was easy. The agility it already possessed was more than a match for rigors of this job! What could possibly go wrong? Aside from taking a package to a trainer that was apparently working for a less than legal organization and accidentally-on-purpose peeking at the contents before delivery, and then being... dealt with? ($injuryhours of injury)";
if ($training == 'windowwashing')
$injurydesc = "$monname</b> was bored. Washing windows is a nice cushy job in its own way, but $monname</b> longed for the days of exploration and fun that it had heard other monsters were enjoying that very moment. It started to doze off and the next thing it knows, it's staring up at the boss telling him to not sleep on the job. It was still compensated for liability reasons, however. ($injuryhours of injury)";
if ($training == 'constructionworking')
$injurydesc = "$monname</b> was really excited about the new construction project in <B>$use</b>. Unfortunately, one of the human workers went nuts, screaming things like, "Mother! I'll avenge you mother!" - the boss thinks he may have been into some of the lead paints. Anyway, $monname</b> wasn't going to get involved but in the crazy man's rampage, it got hurt. $monname</b> didn't work but was still paid a compensation fee. ($injuryhours of injury)";
if ($training == 'blackjackdealing')
$injurydesc = "$monname</b> is an amazingly lucky dealer! All the players want to have $monname</b> deal their cards. Unfortunately, that doesn't make $monname</b> all that popular with the casino owner. After a 'gentle' talking-to, monster is paid off and decides to take a break. ($injuryhours of injury)";
if ($training == 'marbleworking')
$injurydesc = "$monname</b> was hauling marble from the quarry. $monname</b> got thirsty, though, and went to get something to drink...leaving the chunk of marble behind. When it got back, it found the marble was missing! $monname</b> searches the streets for hours before going back to the office in defeat. When $monname</b> confesses the problem, the boss asks while it's still here. "Today was a half day and the marble you were supposed to deliver got here at 11 AM! You should have been home seven hours ago" Apparently, one of your monster's coworkers saw the marble and delivered for it. $monname</b> is so tired from that day's work that it can't do anything for awhile. Isn't charity grand? ($injuryhours of injury)";
if ($training == 'factoryworking')
$injurydesc = "$monname</b> was so fascinated by the factory's big sewing machines. There were so many interesting fabrics, colors, and patterns being used! Today, $monname</b> got a little too close to one of the machines. Don't worry! We managed to remove the monster's hand from the cloak and $monname</b> wasn't badly hurt. ($injuryhours of injury)";
if ($training == 'sailor')
$injurydesc = "$monname</b> is enjoying the day at sea. Suddenly, they happen to turn around and sees a horrible sea monster coming out of the waters! Without hesitation, your valiant monster leaps to defend the ship from the foul denizen of the deeps. Fully prepared to give its life, that its crew mates might live, $monname</b> thrashes the sea monster, pounds it, and gives it a right hook that sends it foot into the air before tumbling back into the water. $monname</b> proudly turns, expecting the unabashed thanks of the crew. The crew was not thankful. Apparently, that was Bob the cherished mascot of the ship. So that's what happened. $monname</b> has been lightly injured from the fight and sailors, but not as bad as what happened to poor Bob! The doctors say they might not be able to save one of his precious scales. Damn $monname</b>... *sniffs* We all love that sea monster. ($injuryhours of injury)";
if ($training == 'civil')
$injurydesc = "Civil protection isn't an easy job. Between the Sylf and regular criminals, days can be pretty tough. Today is one of them. Your monster responds to a call about some men smuggling large amounts of a derivative of amarita moskario, and they go to put a stop to them. Unfortunately there were many men there and though $monname</b> beat them all up, it got injured too. ($injuryhours of injury)";
if ($training == 'doortodoor')
$injurydesc = "$monname</b> was new at that route and didn't know about the reputation that family has. Poor thing just walked right up to the house and gave a perfect spiel about the wonders of this new brand of cutlery. Poor $monname</b> never stood a chance. They don't have anything at all against salesmon, though. They invite 'em over all the time. They think they're great target practice. ($injuryhours of injury)";
|
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MonBre is an unlisted game of Tinydark Studio.
Personal Website: vaelvict.us |
Lexca Darvin
"Fortunately, I like violence."
Posts: 118
06/04/2009 22:22 | *Grins* Thanks. There are still one or two typos and just general errors leftover from my original posting, though.
Unfortunately, it ran out of the fund you lent it 11 tosses ago.
Should be: "Unfortunately, it ran out of the funds you lent it 11 tosses ago."
When $monname confesses the problem, the boss asks while it's still here. "Today was a half day and the marble you were supposed to deliver got here at 11 AM!
Should be: When $monname confesses the problem, the boss asks why it's still here. "Today was a half day and the marble you were supposed to deliver got here at 11 AM!
Apparently, one of your monster's coworkers saw the marble and delivered for it.
Should be: Apparently, one of your monster's coworkers saw the marble and made the delivery for it.
Fully prepared to give its life, that its crew mates might live, $monname thrashes the sea monster, pounds it, and gives it a right hook that sends it foot into the air before tumbling back into the water.
Should be: Fully prepared to give its life that its crew mates might live, $monname thrashes the sea monster, pounds it, and gives it a right hook that sends it a foot into the air before tumbling back into the water.
Hey, thanks for letting me know.
|
Vanilla Name
"h"
Posts: 1275
06/05/2009 10:05 | Aww
Looks like what I wrote wasn't recieved very well
Sorry guys but I love my sexual innuendo
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h |
Lexca Darvin
"Fortunately, I like violence."
Posts: 118
06/05/2009 10:23 |
CJDogger Shadows said:
Sorry guys but I love my sexual innuendo |
Well, you ARE male. I'm told that's part of the social programming. :p
|
Sledge Wielder
"Go Reapers!"
Posts: 374
06/05/2009 14:45 | It is, it definitely is. I hit Vael with one in chat that was "while $monster was hauling logs, it picked up some mourning wood. It has become chronically depressed and will be down for the rest of the day.
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If everything's right, what's left? |
Vanilla Name
"h"
Posts: 1275
06/06/2009 12:39 | $monster needs to rephrase his words more carefully;
today he cut down a big tree for wood but when he told the lady he was working for that he has wood she thought he was talking about an erection. Silly $monster
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h |
Argus Xuthus
"My other monster is a carwash."
Posts: 15
10/22/2009 00:23 | Lol i got one for window Washing....
Your monster is enjoying his time washing windows on the top of the world trade center..when all the sudden he see a plane coming...
100 of injury...
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Mikey ricardo |
Killer Killer
"die, die, die, die, die, die!"
Posts: 824
10/22/2009 04:25 | $monster was hauling his mailbag as usual. One of the recipients that he was sending to was waiting for $monster though, and screamed in $monster's face, "YOU KEEP SENDING ME JUNK MAIL!!!" $monster kept right on going, but the person grabbed the bow next to him and fired off a burning arrow. $monster was partially scorched by the projectile and will need some healing time. 9 of injury.
----
The rule of wildlife: Survival of the fittest.
If u want a challenge, I'll kill u with1swipe!
Die die die!
Your life is mine for the taking! Ha ha ha!
Stomp all over 'em like they was cookie crumbs!!! |
Vael Victus
"See you, fantasy monster game."
Posts: 2200
10/22/2009 10:06 | I love our new battle system. It allows me to do cool things like add burning to the jobs. No I won't be doing that because it's silly.
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MonBre is an unlisted game of Tinydark Studio.
Personal Website: vaelvict.us |
Garr Slayer 
"It's a good day."
Posts: 702
10/22/2009 15:50 |
Argus Xuthus said:
Lol i got one for window Washing....
Your monster is enjoying his time washing windows on the top of the world trade center..when all the sudden he see a plane coming...
100 of injury... |
Not funny!
I didn't personally know anyone there but that is no joking matter.
----
When life hands you a lemon, it's up to you what to do with it.
Half of anything is better then a whole of nothing. |
Argus Xuthus
"My other monster is a carwash."
Posts: 15
10/23/2009 04:01 | God no one can make a 9/11 joke these days with out getting a critic...
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Mikey ricardo |
Killer Killer
"die, die, die, die, die, die!"
Posts: 824
10/23/2009 07:38 | Well it's not like 9/11 was just a happy jazz festival, ehh?
----
The rule of wildlife: Survival of the fittest.
If u want a challenge, I'll kill u with1swipe!
Die die die!
Your life is mine for the taking! Ha ha ha!
Stomp all over 'em like they was cookie crumbs!!! |
Vael Victus
"See you, fantasy monster game."
Posts: 2200
10/23/2009 20:52 | If I had to pick, I'd say you were both at fault. One, argus shouldn't have said it, really, unless it was funny. Second, I wouldn't even scold him for it, Garr, because he'll just give you a response like he did.
Anyway, this topic has served its purpose so I will now lock it.
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MonBre is an unlisted game of Tinydark Studio.
Personal Website: vaelvict.us
Edited once on Friday, Oct 23rd 20:52:45 2009 by Vael Victus |
This thread is locked and no more posts can be added to it. |
